My Friend

I was going to call you today...Then I realized that I couldn't. Boy do I miss you.
There aren't many days go by that I don't think about you. I know you are probably happier where you are now...But that doesn't make it any easier for us. There have been so many things I have wanted to tell you. I know if you could hear me you would laugh, or cry accordingly. Did you know that your son had a baby...That's right you're a Grandma(gasp). I haven't seen it but I'm sure it's beautiful. I know if you were here instead of there you would spoil it rotten...You always did the boys. And yes, they both graduated from high school. Oh, and no more Pit Bull's. That's right they finally banned them in our area. Yes, that means he had to get a real job. So far it's working out OK. Your twin now works with us. She is pretty cool but you know I like your sister C. Better. She reminds me so much of you, and she doesn't even know it. She has that same optimism towards life that you did. It is inspiring. You know I always think of you when I get down...I think if she could find the strength to face each day after everything she's been through, then so can I. Oh, and guess what? I finally got my boobs, and yes they would make you proud. They're quite big. I told you one of these days I was going to do something for myself for once. And I guess you already know that your father died....I'm sorry. But you know it wasn't Cancer...No, he had a heartattack. It was fast so don't worry...He didn't suffer. It was like you said "If I quit smoking, then I'm sure I'll die in a car wreck..........
I can still hear the sound of your laughter in my head....I wonder if I will ever forget what it sounds like. I remember you coming to work with your squirt gun and spraying us all down until someone took them away from you...I remember you and those damn cigarette loads, couldn't turn our backs for a second.....I remember how when you would spaz out on something you would always say "I'm having a moment" or it's other variation "I'm having a moment PEOPLE" when you were really pissed.....I remember those crazy ass phone messages you used to leave on my machine "Hello _____er's"......I remember when you told us about setting your house on fire on accident...You said a seed popped out of the joint you were smoking and your plants were so dry they caught on fire....We all laughed about that one...I remember you coming to work and smelling like a walking can of Budweiser...We were all trying to shove gum down your throat...

Even though it's been over 2 years now, I still can't believe your gone. C showed me the pictures of your truck after your accident...I cried like a baby. You sure made sure that you weren't going to limp away didn't you. Bridges scare the hell out of me now. I am white knuckled nearly every time I go over one. At least we know that you went fast....That you didn't suffer. That helps, a little. I have been secretly looking at the Sylvia Browne stuff...C. Told me she found her name and number hidden under a magnet on your refrigerator when they were cleaning out your house....I wonder if you ever called her about J. I know your heart was broken when he died. I know you had two other children you had to think about and that's what kept you going. I also think J. Was the reason you drank like you did. We all have our way of self-medicating. No matter what mistakes you made, I want you to know that I am proud of you. I did my best after you died to help and support C....She needed it. I know she still misses you terribly. We still talk about you all the time. C. And I have gotten really close....I love her like a sister.
Anyway these are just some of the many things I have been wanting to tell you.....I wish you were here to hear them.