I am a dishrag

I have been thinking lately about some of my relationships with those in my inner circle..friends, family, co-workers etc.....I have come to the conclusion that I have a tendency to be a dishrag so to speak for those around me....I know that I have members of my inner circle that most people by now would have axed....I think my parents (adopted ones) have done this to me...my mother is not motherly and my father is not fatherly...oh they pretend they are when I go and visit them...they will say they love me and they worry about me but yet they don't show it.....when hubby and I got married, I never even heard congratulations...no card, no gift, nothing..when I gave birth to my daughter, there was no celebration, no baby shower or anything, because hubby and I were not yet married my parents viewed it as an embarrassment even though we had been together for several years at the time...Dad did not even come to the hospital to see the baby...in fact my daughter was nearly two months old before he ever even saw her, then it was only because I went to their house and actually caught him when he was home...he was not even going to hold her until my little sister literally took the baby and placed her in his arms.....my children do not ever go and spend the night with my parents...youngest one calls my mom her mean grandma.....my parents rarely call, maybe once every couple of months and they come to my house next to never...if I want to see them, I have to go there...we have a love-hate relationship....I hate that I love them...hubby gets aggravated with me because he thinks I never say anything to them... I do....like when they ask why I have not been down for a while I always tell them "you know those roads go both ways," or I tell them that they could call or come by once in a while...but do they ever...noooo....It always falls on deaf ears...so anymore I just keep my mouth shut and I try to go down and visit ever now and then because I know if I don't I would not see them at all.....my relationships with my friends seem to pan out in this same manner...we get along just fine when we are together, however they never seem to have time to come and visit me...I do have a girlfriend from work that will call and check on me if she know I have something going on or she has not heard from me for awhile....she is cool.... but the rest of them.....maybe I am old fashioned but I think we make the time for the things that are important to us and where you spend your time at says alot about what is important to you....but do I ever say this to those in my inner circle...nooo...I think after feeling so let down by my parents, I have come to expect it....I may have built up a tiny wall too, which makes it hard for the new people I encounter to get close to me...I know this is something I must overcome and I am working on it....hubby helps.....my children help....but for now....I am a dishrag

How did that happen???

Do you ever look at couples and wonder just exactly how they hooked up. There is this couple I know and she is as sweet as she could be and he.......well he is a giant asswipe.....I have always wondered how she ever broke through the layer of ice that surrounds him.......when my friends and I get together he usually just sits there and reads the paper, only stopping to inject some type of smartass remark that is unneeded and unwanted......surely he does not think he is being funny....no, he knows he is being an asswipe......but we just sit there and let him.....we are such pussies....but I know if we tell him what we really think then we will lose her as our friend as well.......so for now, we are all pussies........meowwww

Even the black sheep are blessed

Things are finally looking up....allow me to explain myself....my hubby was, until recently, self employed....well....his business all but closed down so, as I previously stated, we were and are extremely broke.....anyway, hubby finally found a job and he started it yesterday. He was hired on as a temp but, at the end of the day yesterday his boss came and offered him a full time position and told the rest of the temps that they did not need them anymore. Hubby was the only one they kept. Thank God!
Trying to support a family of 4 on one income (mine) just does not work. ..I think the man upstairs must have know that I was near my breaking point. ...All I keep thinking is xmas is just around the corner, not to mention the stack of bills we now have.....I am such a worry wort.....anyway I think things are going to be okay... at least on that end.....I guess time will tell........

When was it....air of grievances

When did I become a blacksheep......Was it when I was a tiny tot and mom and dad decided they couldn't live together anymore, then once dad left mom decided she couldn't afford to raise sis and I anymore and gave us up.......
Mom you could have taken care of us if you wanted to, you graduated from college 5 years later.

Or, was it when sis and I were split up though adoption.......Even though we got to see each other a few times though the years, I miss the sisters we could have been.

Maybe it was when adoptive parents who "couldn't have kids" gave birth to their own child when I was 9........Even though I love my sister, I wonder what things would have been like if she had not been born. I think even though my parents love me, they love her more.

Was it because adoptive parents hated high school boyfriend, they said he was a loser that would never amount to anything.......I showed them. I married him...and had a children...and I'm still with him 14 years later

I know, it was when through my own diligent efforts I found my entire birth family (grandma's, grandpa's, aunt's, uncle's, mom and dad) and they all accepted sis and I back in with open arms. I have just recently met my birthmother. I traveled (she paid) over 800 miles to meet her. Since I arrived home a month ago, I have not heard from adoptive parents. They have not called to see if we made it back ok, to see how things went or anything. Right before we left to go meet birthmother, hubby and I were as usual extremely broke, I asked adoptive mother to borrow 50 bucks. She said "why don't you get it from your new mommy.".............Do you have any idea how much that hurt me. Don't you and dad know that I still need you. But why should I be surprised, It has been over a year and a half since you have been to my house. You only live 15 mile away. I should not have to come to your house every time I want to see you.

I thank god that I have loser husband to support me and help me hold my head high........I don't know what I would do without him ..............................................
sometimes it frickin sucks to be the blacksheep

black sheep are better

I think everyone should be a black sheep. I am the black sheep of our family. I have always marched to the tune of my own drum. I do not need to waste my time worrying about what others think because nobody worries what the black sheep is doing. If they only knew.....