I'm here for you

Four simple little words....I'm here for you. That is what my birth father told me yesterday after I told him about the crappy things that my birth mother and my adoptive family did and have been doing to me.....and you know what?...It helped alot. Just to have someone besides my husband and kids say that...it helped. To have someone say that I didn't do anything to deserve this treatment....it helped. He is going to come up here in a few weeks to visit again....I can't wait. I really like my father. He's not perfect, but he doesn't pretend to be. He doesn't fill my sister or I's ears with what he thinks we want to hear....he is mature enough to know that all we want is the truth, and that is what he gives us.....unlike my birth mother....he admits that he did wrong by us in the past, but he HAS changed since then.....don't get me wrong, I will always respect the fact that my mother gave me life (that doesn't mean I have to like her), however I LOVE my dad.

My family sucks

Early last week I call my parents to ask if I could borrow their trailer to haul the replacement lawn mower home with...I didn't hear back...until yesterday that is...well, I didn't hear from them, my little sis called and she asked "Did you get your problem taken care of"...I wasn't sure exactly which problem she was referring to, since it wasn't her I called, it was mom and dad...so I asked and she said "the trailer"....yes, we took the battery and the plates off the car and put them on the van and drove it all illegal and such to town and loaded it into the back of it (yes, I know Ghetto fabulous)....I rather sarcastically told her to tell mom and dad thanks for getting back to me...she then tells me "Oh yeah, mom and dad have been busy since dad left again"..."You mean he's already gone," I say.....(My father works over sea's, and when he works he is gone from home for anywhere from three to six months)...she said "Yeah, we took him to the airport a few days ago......thanks for letting me know he was leaving......anyhow, we talked for a few more minutes and she tells me that she has to go because dad is beeping in on her phone, she says she will call back....and she does....when she gets back on the phone she tells me that dad just wanted to call her because the ship was getting ready to pull out and he would not be able to call for a few days and he wanted to tell her that he loved her.....................now.....just how is this supposed to make me feel......it's one thing that he left without telling me that he was leaving, but it's a whole new issue when I feel like little sis is rubbing it in my face that he called her to say he loved her.....I may be 31 years old but I would love it if my parents remembered that they have two children.....and maybe called ME to say I love you

I am really starting to hate you...

I am angry at you for so many reason...mainly because it is easier for me to be angry at you than it is to feel the overwhelming sadness that I feel right now...I think I am loosing my mind...most of the time I don't know whether to cry or hit something...I hate you for making me feel this way...I don't know how you sleep at night...god help me but I hope you die...do you even care??....I don't think you do...what did I ever do to you....was I not good enough...did I cry to much...maybe that is where the vodka came in...I can't stand the stuff now...I blame you for everything...your own family doesn't even like you, with the exception of your drunk mother...you two deserve each other....I hope he hit you hard...I hope it fuckin hurt...remember that pain...that is only a fraction of how you make me feel...I wish I had never opened this can of worms..you don't deserve to know me...you don't deserve anything...just remember Karma is a bitch and so are you...you worthless piece of shit.

Are YOU smarter than a 5th grader?

Has anyone seen the advertisements for that new show "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader"....well apparently I am not.....11 yr old (who just happens to be in 5th grade) came home yesterday from school and I was trying to help her with her homework....math to be exact...okay now, when I graduated from high school my worst grade in my entire 13 years of education was a C-....my senior year I had all A's...I was in national honor society.....point is, I was not stupid....granted my worst subject was Math or Algebra to be exact, which brought the C-.....anyhow, 11 yr old is currently doing fractions, and yesterday I realized just how much I had forgotten from my school days....I could not remember how to do them....multiply and divide that is....I was able to figure them out....but it took me a little while and a little researching on the internet to do so....I felt like and idiot...and all I was doing was checking her work that she had already done....so apparently I am NOT smarter that a 5th grader.

I love this!!

Ho Hum day.......

Well here I am....back at work doing overtime.....I HATE working overtime.....I miss my family.....hubby, the kids, even the dogs and cats.....It doesn't help that I feel like shit.....I think I am getting another sinus infection.....I felt fine when I woke up yesterday....I felt fine when I got to work last night...however as the night has worn on, I have felt crappier and crappier....I called hubby a little bit ago and he said he would have a hot bath ready for me when I get home....I heart hubby........on another note, I took all my stuff by the school that they need in order for me to start school....I am so ready....I hope the kids can see how important getting a good education is....that way they will not have to struggle the way hubby and I have at times....although some struggle is good for the soul...it lets you really appreciate what you have....you know the whole how can you feel pleasure if you have never felt pain thing...or something like that.....anyway, nothing to do now except wait for classes to start....anywho, I don't have a whole wealth of information to share today, or at least nothing that I feel like getting into at this moment, maybe later.....so I will bid you all ado

My birthmother

My birth mother is no good....I called her last weekend to visit and in the course of our conversation she tells me "you're going to kill me but I was actually in town last weekend"......huh?.......What do you mean you were in town last weekend, I say........she then tells me "yeah, I actually got in to K.C.I. airport at around 11p.m. Friday night and then drove to Grandma's (her mom's) and stayed until Sunday morning and then flew back home.........do you think she told me or sis that she was coming in.......hell no.........and here my sister just had a baby, her first, on Christmas eve.................stupid, selfish bitch........she could have at least called and said that she was in town and we would have drove the hour and a half to Grandma's house to meet her for lunch or something......but did she........No........she just slipped in and out of town like a thief in the night..........and to think, we share the same D.N.A.......I think she thinks that since she gave us up (or if you listen to our birth father, we were taken away from her, which is probably what really happened) that she is now off the hook......I would give anything to have the family court judge open our adoption records so we could see for ourselves what really happened.... I think I will look into that.....hell, we already know who and where our birth parents are....so I don't see what the problem would be......Yes, I am going to see what I can do.....but first let me repeat.........Stupid, selfish, cold-hearted bitch!!!!!!!

Classes

Okay, so I went for my meeting with the academic advisor at school last Thursday. I now know what my first two classes are going to be.....Written communication and Microcomputer Applications......sounds like great fun, doesn't it now.....call me silly but I am looking forward to it....my first day of class is not until June 5th though so I have about 2 months to wait....I hope I can do it......I mean, I know that I can do it, I just hope I can make good grades. If I don't carry a C average then Hallmark won't pay for it.... which should be easy but I guess that's easy to say when you have never done it. Oh well, I will just do the best I can....and that's all you really can do isn't it now.